Posted by Anonymous on 2014/07/04 under Uncategorized I have no idea what is wrong with me. Almost every night, and everyday I cry myself out till the energy drained out of me. I do not have a problem with my family. Sure, we had little arguments like who should be doing laundry, or ironing the clothes, but nothing more serious than that (though, my old sister running away from our home had become a little bit of an issue). Although, I’m not close to my family, but still my terms with them are fine. School are okay, though my reputation had been down lately. Like rumors around the school saying I’m fake and such (this include teachers, not only students) but I’m pretty used to it since I’ve been dealing with it for 3 years now. I have a great bestfriend who is totally incredible, but I rarely say all my thoughts to her since I don’t want to bother her, and I don’t want to be mistaken as attention seeker, and such. Some teachers hate me (especially my maths teacher) for the rumors that had been gone around for so long, plus they think I’m a liar because of what had happened 3 months ago. I told them all the truth, but still they think I’m lying. Some teachers love me for my achievements, and the fact that my sister was the recent top, best student at my school. Relationship never hard, boys just seems to chase behind me. I’m the type of person who is ignorant and didn’t really care to search for love like the common, almost 90% girl who is horny, and desperate for love. I don’t like being the pathetic girl who is desperate, and would do anything for the guy she likes, and would cry because of a broken heart. If a guy like me, let them do the work, and let them prove that they really did like me. If they don’t, then, why should I waste my time with guys like that? Though all of this going smooth, I don’t know why almost everyday and everytime, I would go home, lock myself in my room, probaly listening to some music and cry. And now, that I’m used to being depressed, I actually kinda like it for some reason. Like it so much that when I’m not sad or depressed, I feel like I’m lost, and began to panic, and began to search for that familiar feelings which bring me to the state I have always been; depressed. I’m so depressed, that I began to do things I didn’t even realized myself, like almost burning my fingers, jump infront of a fast, moving cars, etc. Because of being depressed (now for almost 3 years), it affected the relationship I had with my family a bit. I didn’t smile, I become rude, I always alone with my self, I don’t always talk, etc. It also affected my study too, my grades started falling. From 90+ to 70+. My confidence went from ‘high’ to ‘low’, that even when I was about to get my gifts from the teachers, which acquired from entering the teacher’s staff, I feel so afraid and worried that I ask my friend to accompany me, and I’m practically hiding beneath her figure when we ask about the gift. And now, I’m practically tired, and complaining all these s***ty stuffs, because apparently, I need to express all of this out, and this website seems to be perfect because I can express all of this without people knowing who I am.
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I understand you.. a little bit. I’ve been there too. Not the burning fingers part, but the part where you stay away from guys n let them chase you. I have a little advice to give you…don’t do that. Don’t think you’re above the rest. I’m saying it from personal experience. Right now you’ll feel great, but at the end of the day, it’s those other girls who have guys to talk to, and you’re the one alone. Take it easy, if someone is really fond of you, give them a chance..and give yourself a chance to feel loved. You’ll like it. Trust me. Maybe it’ll help with the depression, why not try it, since things are already bad, they can only get better from here. Just Saying.